hungry for a noodle-teaser?

Holy underwear, blogspot ate half my post yesterday when all I was doing was adding a photo source. Sadness overcomes me, for the golden eloquence once there is forever lost.

I might be too depressed to write this month's preview.

Nah.

So! The Slaughterers take on another foe this weekend. With their 0-2 record so far, things are looking bleak for the pretty pinkies. Their blockers failed to crack the High Seas Hotties' mean pack. They've got slick jammers in Botoxin, Blue-eyed Banshee and returned veteran Death By Dawn, but a team isn't a team if it relies on one position to do it all. The Wrecking Crew certainly proved their worth last month when they locked in a safe win against the Death Row Rumblers. It'll be a derby-boy-turned-coach showdown between Crew's slavedriver Mattomic, and the Slaughterers' manslave Crashanova, assuming they actually show up. It's a little soon to wholly believe Wrecking Crew have their groove back, but from last month's performance it's safe to assume they've got this one in the bag.

I'm just hoping Jax Revenge's sister comes back. She was incredibly entertaining. If you watch the footage of the bout on bigbadsportsdaddy.com you see her stomping on every beer can from her beeramid through which Lucky Lou mischievously bowled.

The highlight of the night of course will be the Suicide Shifters, at 1-0 right now per last month's bye, and the High Seas Hotties, resting coolly on their 2-0 record. This is obviously a brand new year for the snooty Shifters. Shiny new uniforms, shiny new transfers, and a shiny new speed coach have given them a shiny new outlook on their road to the Championships. Those greasy chola wannabes are ready to drink from the pimp cup of victory beer, but oh...what's that? Oh yeah, it's the fucking Hotties holding a divinely ordained chalice of blended wheels, gold chains, and protein powder all grinning with bits of Shifter stuck in their teeth. Yup. I'm positive the Shifters will go down giving those one-eyed panty-sniffers skidmarks all the way. I can hear the battle cries already. Do not go gently into that night, dear sisters.

Beat the heat with a derby stick and come watch us girls legitimately kick each other's asses. This is as rizzle as it gets, my nizzle. I'll see you at the Ny-tizzle.

School of Derby
Saturday, June 19th
Doors at 7pm, pack starts rolling at 7:30.
Tickets are $13 in advance or $15 at the door.
NYTEX Sports Centre
8851 IceHouse Dr
North Richland Hills, TX
www.derbydevils.com

Check out derby Thursdays on bigbadsportsdaddy.com, too. Streaming roller derby footage for your viewing pleasure. Don't shock yourself when you start kissing your computer, okay sugar?