Hey kids and skids,
I don’t know about all you other derby-for-lifers, but my life has taken on new meaning since I last scribbled any shenanigans out of my arse for you all to giggle at. I have reformed—I am a new shewoman. “But Lucy, what changed your life?” you ask? Two words: Derby Skinz. You hold them in your hands and you think, “How the hell am I going to squeeze my thunder thighs through these things?” But then you close your eyes, hold your breath, and slip ‘em on – both legs at once – waddle over to the mirror, open one eye and let out a holler! “Hot damn my ass looks fine!” I’m telling you, they have changed my dang life. I wear them everywhere – practice, the gym, the club, at Grandma’s, the grocery store – you name it, I’ve displayed my butt cleavage with pride! The super duper bonus is that these dandies come in so many colors and patterns – it’s a camel-toe rainbow out there!
Can you believe that Derby Skinz is now the official outfitter of the entire Dallas Derby Devils?! I thought surely I split the seams on my pink skulls pair from jumping for joy – but nope, the thread held every inch in through every cartwheel. HOW ABOUT THAT FOR QUALITY?
So the wheels on the floor keep on turning and a new season is upon us! I’ll tell you what, DDD is an ambitious league. We’re hosting triple headers all season long! Those hot tootsies on the Travel Team were dragged kicking and screaming from their home teams, but now you get to watch them skate together at nearly every home season game. WFTDA-sanctioned, nationally competitive play, plus a home team double-header, still for just 12 to 15 bucks a pop? What a freaking deal!
I know you all have missed me something fierce. I haven't missed you suckers at all. Regardless, I am back to spill the Devils' dirty little secrets all over the interwebz for your sick enjoyment. So come back in a couple days to catch my predictions for the 2011 Season Opener this weekend!
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